After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
