I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
