Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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