I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
