Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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