There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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