I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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