im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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