Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just puked most of my soul out..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
