I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
