Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
