I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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