Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
