this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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