You smell like a Billy Joel song
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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