k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
