so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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