I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
