Christians are straight up FREAKS
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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