the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
