I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
