Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
