my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
