It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
