Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
