She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you didnt know i had herpes?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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