he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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