I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
