fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
