plz talk dirty to me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
