Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fuck appropriateness.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
