I'm going to jail i love you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
