when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
