U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
