Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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