I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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