thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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