I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
