she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
