I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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