I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
