Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
