"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
