i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
