I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
