I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
