YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
