I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
