Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
