i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
