Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
