The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Success! We fucked roommates!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
