drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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